Where did my passion go?

I don’t want to read. I don’t want to pay attention in class. I don’t want to go the extra mile. I have become so indifferent and it scares me. I lost the passions that pushed and pulled me here and there. I lost the drive that made me study for many hours straight or run so fast that eventually I stopped feeling pain because I had gotten to that state of peace of mind and body. I feel more lonely than ever, more isolated, as if an island. It doesn’t feel sad most of the time, but the feeling passes through me in moments and it feels overwhelming like the ever-engulfing wave and then I am thrown to the shores back to misty life, and it feels bearable. I have lost the person I was, but sometimes I feel like it was for the best because I didn’t like who I was with him. I am more appreciative of my friends. I try to tell them how much I care for them everyday, try to keep in contact but the dwindling numbers make it more difficult when they leave me. I’ve lost my scholarly presence to gain a greater appreciation for the human things that I have and hopefully someday soon I can come to terms with both and have them coexist equally without one overtaking another in little more than moments. I want to regain that artist that was so meticulous, that scholar that studied for 2 days straight before the AP Bio Exam, that runner that pushed herself to sprint in order to beat that Mayfair girl (Lauren) at her last Cluster Race. I want that person to exist with the person I am now, the girl that appreciates Maria and tells her “I Love You and thank you for being the amazing friend that you are”, that person that has let go of those people that don’t matter anymore because they never really mattered in the first place, that person that now knows who to trust, but doesn’t have a wall built up against future friendships, that girl that now knows that you don’t need to be in a relationship to make you happy, even though it is hard to be truly happy after such great pain, but I will get there. I want you two to meet and be together forever in the recesses of my mind and spirit, so I have a guide to rely on if I am too proud to speak of my problems or too wary of burdening dear friends with them.