Second Year

I have been anxiously waiting to finally move in to my new college dorm and see my friends again, but now i am conflicted because I am going to miss home even though i made it very obvious that i didn't want to be here during this interim i had between the end of summer school and the beginning of the annual school year. I will not be able to come back home for a while because i have work on the weekends and my job is located on campus. I don't particularly feel eager to come home anyway. I am going to miss the dear friends that i do leave behind because i have made memories with them and they are one of the few people that i actively try to keep in contact with. I know they are friends that i will keep because i am completely indebted to them for their kindness and empathy. The reason i don't want to come back is because home harbors the memories of difficult times and so acts as a constant reminder of the person i used to be...naive, destructive, unappreciative. That person is so different from who i am now and the friends that i have, i keep because they are growing and maturing with me. Home is like high school, you experience highs and lows and you are eager to leave and expand your horizons, but when you leave you miss it and idealize it in your mind. I am not at that last step yet, but may be if i stay away long enough i will be able to appreciate what waits for me here. So now that i am embarking on the adventure that will be my second year of college i want to share my goals and dreams. I want to make more friends and maybe find some more people that are dear to me. I want to go out on a date or two. I want to be more spontaneous, happy, and fun and even if i am not truly happy i hope i can put on a brave face and force myself to smile enough until i actually feel happy. I really hope i can control my spending. I really really hope that i focus on my academics because i owe so much to those individuals who act so selflessly in paying for my education. I hope i can exercise more patience and learn not to judge people so quickly. I especially hope that i become effervescent enough to make others happy and make them laugh. I hope i learn to keep my fears and doubts to myself and instead share my hopes and dreams.